 Over the course of years as I talk with people or should I say - as I listen to people - the one common factor that I have found is that people who are over weight are using food as their medication to ease a past hurt. Several years ago I was talking to a lady who had been struggling with her weight since she was a child. As I started asking more and more questions, it was revealed in the course of the conversation that she had been molested when she was 8 years old. As we talked more and more she also told me that her weight really started to get worse by the time she was 10 years old. She started over eating at age 10 to help the guilt and shame that she had felt and used food to make herself feel better. Thirty years had gone by and no one had ever asked her if she felt like being molested and over-eating had anything to do with each other. I told her that the way I saw her situation was that the guilt that she had felt along with the shame and feeling of being molested was a direct relation to her eating more and more to make herself feel better. As we talked through this situation of being over weight, we really had to get down to her issue of self worth, feelings like it was her fault along with guilt, shame and self condemnation. She became very emotional almost to the point of crying so bad because the truth had finally been revealed after 30 years of her self imposed prison. Her prison was trying to eat in excess so that she could stay overweight and could use this wall to keep others from getting intimate not just physically but emotionally. Year to date - the lady has been on a very healthy lifestyle, has lost alot of weight and continues to work on herself and her self worth. She is also a friend of mine and even though we don't talk a lot - I still keep up with what she is doing in her life. Is food your medication ? Are you eating because your hungry or are you eating to make yourself feel better because of some self worth issues that you may be dealing with ? My advice is to find someone you trust and go talk to them. Add Comment I am sure for most second generation Italian American children who grew up in the 40's, 50's & 60's there was a definite distinction between us and them. We were Italians, everybody else, the Irish, the Germans, the Polish, they were Americans. I was well into adulthood before I realized I was an American. I had been born American and lived here all my life, but Americans were people who ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on mushy white bread. I had no animosity towards them, it's just I thought ours was the better way with our bread man, egg man, vegetable man, the chicken man, to name a few of the peddlers who came to our neighborhoods. We knew them, they knew us. Americans went to the A&P. It amazed me that some friends and classmates on Thanksgiving and Christmas ate only turkey with stuffing, potatoes, and cranberry sauce. We had turkey, but only after antipasti, soup, lasagna, meatballs, and salad! In case someone came in who didn't like turkey, we also had a roast of beef. Soon after we were eating fruits, nuts, pastries and homemade cookies sprinkled with little colored things. This is where you learned to eat a seven course meal between noon and four PM, how to handle hot chestnuts and put peaches in wine. Italians live a romance with food. Sundays we would wake up to the smell of garlic and onions frying in olive oil. We always had macaroni and sauce (gravy). Sunday would not be Sunday without going to Mass. Of course you couldn't eat before Mass because you had to fast before receiving communion. We knew when we got home we'd find meatballs frying, and nothing tasted better than newly cooked meatballs with crisp bread dipped into a pot of hot gravy (sauce). Another difference between them and us was we had gardens. Not just with flowers, but tomatoes, peppers, basil, lettuce and 'cucuzza'. Everybody had a grapevine and fig tree. In the fall we drank homemade wine arguing over who made the best. Those gardens thrived because we had something our American friends didn't seem to have. We had Grandparents. It's not that they didn't have grandparents. It's just they didn't live in the same house or street. We ate with our grandparents, and God forbid we didn't visit them 3 times a week. I can still remember my grandfather telling us how he came to America when he was young, on the 'boat.' I'll never forget the holidays when the relatives would gather at my grandparents' house, the women in the kitchen, the men in the living room, the kids everywhere. I must have fifty cousins. My grandfather sat in the middle of it all drinking his wine. He was so proud of his family and how well they had done. When my grandparents died, things began to change. Family gatherings were fewer and something seemed to be missing. Although we did get together, usually at my mother's house, I always had the feeling grandma and grandpa were there. It's understandable things change. We all have families of our own and grandchildren of our own. Today we visit once in a while or meet at wakes or weddings. Other things have also changed. The old house my grandparents bought is now covered with aluminum siding. A green lawn covers the soil that grew the tomatoes. There was no one to cover the fig tree, so it died. The holidays have changed. We still make family 'rounds,' but somehow things have become more formal. The great quantities of food we consumed, without any ill effects, are not good for us anymore. Too much starch, too much cholesterol, too many calories in the pastries. The difference between 'us' and 'them' isn't so easily defined anymore, and I guess that's good. My grandparents were Italian-Italians; my parents were Italian-Americans. I'm an American and proud of it, just as my grandparents would want me to be. We are all Americans now...the Irish, Germans, Polish, all U.S. citizens. But somehow I still feel the warmth and love of being raised with the Italians. Call it culture...call it roots...I'm not sure what it is. All I do know is that my children, grandchildren, nieces, and nephews, have been cheated out of a wonderful piece of our heritage. | AuthorRobert J Russell, Speaker, Radio Show Host has been entertaining people for over 30 years. Join us - subscribe to our blog and share your thoughts with us. ArchivesApril 2012 CategoriesAll |
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