Robert J Russell - Speaker & Radio Host - My Blog

Is Food your medication ?

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 21:48:02 -0600

Over the course of years as I talk with people or should I say - as I listen to people - the one common factor that I have found is that people who are over weight are using food as their medication to ease a past hurt.

Several years ago I was talking to a lady who had been struggling with her weight since she was a child. As I started asking more and more questions, it was revealed in the course of the conversation that she had been molested when she was 8 years old.

As we talked more and more she also told me that her weight really started to get worse by the time she was 10 years old. She started over eating at age 10 to help the guilt and shame that she had felt and used food to make herself feel better. Thirty years had gone by and no one had ever asked her if she felt like being molested and over-eating had anything to do with each other. I told her that the way I saw her situation was that the guilt that she had felt along with the shame and feeling of being molested was a direct relation to her eating more and more to make herself feel better.

As we talked through this situation of being over weight, we really had to get down to her issue of self worth, feelings like it was her fault along with guilt, shame and self condemnation. She became very emotional almost to the point of crying so bad because the truth had finally been revealed after 30 years of her self imposed prison. Her prison was trying to eat in excess so that she could stay overweight and could use this wall to keep others from getting intimate not just physically but emotionally.

Year to date - the lady has been on a very healthy lifestyle, has lost alot of weight and continues to work on herself and her self worth. She is also a friend of mine and even though we don't talk a lot - I still keep up with what she is doing in her life.

Is food your medication ? Are you eating because your hungry or are you eating to make yourself feel better because of some self worth issues that you may be dealing with ? My advice is to find someone you trust and go talk to them.

How can I forgive when it hurts so much ?

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 21:43:00 -0600

One of the hardest things in life is to forgive others who have harmed us mentally or physically.

I remember talking with a man who had grown up in a very abusive home. His dad was a heavy drinker and became abusive to not only to his mother but to everyone else in the family. It became so bad that one of the neighbors called the police on the father because of the scars and bruises that were left on the man when he was a young boy.

I remember we went through an exercise where he had to face his dad and tell him everything that he was angry about. I played the Dad. My role in this exercise was to stand face to face and listen to this now grown man who was forced to role play talking to his Dad explaining about the anger that he had held in for such a long time.

As I stood there looking into this man's eyes filled with rage, anger and regret I felt this overwhelming sense of compassion for the hurt that this man had gone through. He yelled at me. He pushed me. He screamed at me. My role had to remain solemn and not retaliate or defend myself but to sit there and listen so this man could get out his anger at me (playing his Dad)

This exercise also hit home to me because as a child I too was in a verbally abusive relationship with my Dad who would berate us kids and we were forced to stand there and take it.

The turn of events came when after about 30 minutes of role-playing as his Dad something happened and he stood there upright straightening himself up and telling me - " I forgive you " When I heard this from this man - I was overcome with the feeling that I too needed to forgive my Dad for what he had done. I remember the man saying " How can I forgive you when it hurts so much ? "

It was at this time that the man broke down and we hugged. We hugged because the man finally was able to release the forgiveness that he was long overdue with. I was able at that time to forgive my Dad for the verbal abuse that I too had gone through.

I believe that God puts people in our lives at the right time and the right place to minister to us. I believe He teaches us that through other people's struggles if we will open our hearts to them, we can help other people.

Who do you need to forgive ?

Unconditional Love

Wed, 11 Apr 2012 21:49:19 -0600

When you look at this picture, what is the first thing you think of ?
* Do you think of yourself as a kid when you had a favorite dog that you loved so much ?
* Do you think of the unconditional love that your children give to you regardless of your mood, how you talk to them, how you treat them or regardless of how much money you have or don't have ?
* Do you think of the unconditional love that God gives to us not for what we do or have done but simply because he loves us and he forgives us in advance.

How many times do we take for granted the unconditional love that our spouses, children, family or even friends give us ? How many times do you work with people and you never tell them how much you appreciate them or what they are doing ? How many times does someone smile at us in passing and we don't smile back ?

" Can anyone really comprehend "unconditional" love? It seems the love that parents have for their children is as close to unconditional love as we can get without the help of God's love in our lives. We continue to love our children through good times and bad, and we don't stop loving them if they don't meet the expectations we may have for them. We make a choice to love our children even when we consider them unlovable; our love doesn't stop when we don't "feel" love for them. This is similar to God's love for us, but as we shall see, God's love transcends the human definition of love to a point that is hard for us to comprehend. * "

What's the point of all of this ? Actually there is no point....this is something that you have to decide for yourself.....how do you love ? is it conditional or unconditional ?

* taken from http://www.allaboutgod.com/god-is-love.htm

Mow your way to success!

Mon, 09 Apr 2012 20:00:08 -0600

From the time I was a Freshman in High School up until I was a Junior, I had always wanted to run for Student Council President. I thought about it all the time.

I remember I was mowing our next door neighbors yard on our family riding lawn mower. This was one of 6 yards that I mowed on a weekly basis starting at the age of 10. As I was riding around on this riding mower, I would hear self talk about why I shouldn't run for Student Council President. I would then make excuses for why I would never win. After about an hour of this negative self-talk I realized that there was no reason I shouldn't go for it.

As the thought of doing this grew I began to get excited and I imagined myself in front the entire student body giving my first Speech as the New Student Council President. It was right then that I made the decision that I was going to go for it because I didn't want to wonder " What If "

How many times in our lives do we let self doubt and negative talk come in and we talk ourselves right out of dreams that we have because we are afraid of failing ? How many times in your life have you said " I wish I would had....."

My decision to run for Student Council President was successful - I won against 3 other worthy candidates who could have easily done a good job. What transpired from this decision in 1979 ? After being elected as Student Council President, giving talks throughout the year, speaking to the National Student Council Association in Baton Rouge, Louisiana and going on to speaking to groups and organizations it has also opened doors by this ONE decision to allow me to help other people by having a Radio Show where people can discuss their past, how they have overcome their struggles and many other things that today has beyond belief.

Because of this decision, I was able to be a Facilitator for a Non-Profit organization where I was able to help hundreds of people over the course of a 5 year spam to overcome their past through some very intense and heart moving exercises and empower other people to use their past to help other people.

Who would have thought that simply mowing a yard would lead to many events in my life that I will never regret or forget.

What is it that you really want to do but your talking your own self out of it ? Remember, the only way to fail is to quit....don't quit - if there is something that you want....GO FOR IT ! Don't wake up one day and think " I wish I would had......"

Easter Sunday - 2012

Sun, 08 Apr 2012 09:00:11 -0600

Sometimes in life as you walk through your struggles, you will wonder " Why do I feel alone " ?
It is through these struggles that you are being formed for greatness...to live your life to help other people. To overcome obstacles and to realize that your NOT alone. God put you on this earth to allow you to go through struggles so that you will look to HIM for your comfort and not to outside things like money, cars, possessions etc.

Listen to the words of this song as see if you can relate to it ?

Happy Easter!

How do I forgive AND forget ?

Tue, 20 Mar 2012 20:32:53 -0600

People often ask me after listening to one of my radio shows " How do I forgive and forget ? "

We learn by trial and error, and the errors are made by us and others. We also learn by imagining experiences
("Gee, I wonder how it would feel to touch that hot stove—probably not too good"). But sometimes we learn by going ahead and blundering.

People might perceive that you are very harsh and self-critical when you make a mistake. We don't like making mistakes, and that's a good thing. However, we often go overboard and sometimes really get down on ourselves, others, or in the extreme, life in general.

Forgiving yourself means first accepting that you committed an error, but secondly, refusing to condemn yourself totally for having made it.

It is important to admit the gravity of the mistake. The error may be very bad, and admitting it to yourself is the first step toward improving the effects of the error. Forgiving yourself means accepting your human fallibility.

One of the great errors of the human-potential movement of the '70s and '80s is the idea of human perfectibility. Although perfection is a great and lofty goal, it can eternally frustrate us from actually producing worthwhile things—especially if you prevent yourself from trying new things because you'd have to feel so badly about a possible mistake.

Forgiving yourself, but not the error, might be a good compromise that allows you to keep trying (and learning by error) until you actually improve. Forgiving yourself allows you to forgive others more readily when they err, and to stay positive as you work toward improving and trying new things.

What to do: Change your philosophy of blaming yourself for making a mistake. Accept your that your human. Acknowledge that perfection will not be attained. Leonardo Da Vinci once noted something like this: "Life is pretty simple: You try something. Usually it fails. Sometimes it works. If it works well, others quickly copy it. Then you do something else. The trick is to keep trying something else."

Effective Presentations - Don't Bore Your Audience

Sun, 16 Oct 2011 21:46:12 -0600

In recent months, I have spoke with a variety of companies and I have been dismayed to find that their salespeople always start their sales meetings, appointments and presentations with a corporate monologue. They discuss “who we are,” “what we do” and “who we serve.”

They talk about the awards they have won, the clients they have worked with, how long they have been in business and other self-serving propaganda. Contrary to popular belief, this approach is not effective.

Here are a few points to remember:

Prospects don’t really care about you or your company.
Decision makers don’t care about the awards you have won.
Most people don’t care what other companies you have worked with.

Here is a more effective approach: Open your presentation by discussing your understanding of your prospects’ situation, goals and objectives. Even if you have done your due diligence prior to your meeting and know some of your prospects’ key pain points or potential problems, it is much more effective to review those concerns before you launch into your solution. Here’s why:

Things change. Reviewing your prospects’ key issues before you jump into a presentation ensures that the information you were initially given is still valid and relevant. If your prospects’ situation has changed, you can modify your approach accordingly.
New people may be present. It’s not uncommon for people who were not involved in the initial discovery conversation to be present at a sales presentation. Starting your presentation with an overview of their situation, goals and objectives brings these individuals up to speed and gives them the opportunity to add their perspective.
It changes the dynamic. Rather than launching into a sales pitch, this approach encourages a two-way dialogue and exchange of information.
It captures their attention. Most buyers and decision makers are used to passive, one-way sales presentations. And most of them are busy, which means they may be distracted. This approach captures their attention and makes them more likely to pay attention to the entire presentation.

Research has shown that you have 30 seconds or less to make a great first impression. Don’t waste it by talking about your company, its awards or anything else that is not important to your prospects. Use those critical moments to make a great impression and to connect with them instead.

True Customer Service

Sun, 09 Oct 2011 20:40:16 -0600

Actions that are driven by the heart play a big part in our personal relationships. The question is: What role do they have in business?

While the business arena may seem like another world – one that relies on number crunching and tough decisions – it's important to remember that the major force behind any successful business is the level of service it provides to its customers. What you are about to discover is that elevating your company's service also means elevating the intention behind it.

Johnny the Bagger... A True Story
Johnny is a bagger at a grocery store. Not only is Johnny's position considered entry level, he happens to be a person with Down syndrome. It would be easy to look at him and figure the most he can offer his company is the successful performance of his work duties. But, by acting from the heart, Johnny managed to put his personal stamp on his job and in turn, create wonderful memories for his customers.

After clocking out, Johnny would go home and look for an inspirational thought of the day. When he couldn't find a thought that he liked, he made up one of his own. With his dad's help, Johnny printed them on small pieces of paper and signed his name to the back. At work, when Johnny would bag the customers' groceries, he'd include this inspirational thought and then wish them a nice day.

Johnny's actions appear nowhere in his job description. The only place they can be found is in his heart. Through these thoughtful actions, Johnny built a fan base. Customers began lining up at his checkout stand, refusing to switch to a shorter line. They'd tell you they did so in order to read his inspirational message. But the truth is Johnny made a real connection with them. As the store's patronage increased, co-workers caught on and began applying his example to their own job duties. The store became the talk of the town.

Actions from the Heart
We are all human beings and part of the human condition is to feel emotion. So, what role do actions from the heart play in business? They play a very big role.

Many businesses have the ability to put forth a good product along with excellent service. But how many companies do it by way of heartfelt action? The point is that competition in business can be intense. And while the practice of putting forth a top-notch product is important, there is much more to the story.

By connecting in a heartfelt way with your customers and clients, you are showing them that you care about their world as well. The result is great memories for all concerned. It's easy to get caught up in the bottom line. But the simple truth is that by acting from the heart, we improve that bottom line, an inspirational thought of its own.

Just as it's important for you to apply Johnny's example, it is equally important to encourage your employees to do the same. You never know, there may be a Johnny already working in your company.

Art of Compromising

Fri, 23 Sep 2011 20:10:18 -0600

Compromise is something we all face at one point in our lives. The government has been facing such a situation recently, discussing whether or not to raise the debt ceiling. While the compromises you'll approach may not be as far-reaching as the one Washington has been facing, that doesn't mean you shouldn't be prepared.

Ludwig Erhard, a German politician and the Chancellor of West Germany from 1963 through 1966, once noted that, "A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece." Here are a few suggestions to help you learn the art of compromising.

Invite a third party to attend
Having someone else in the room to monitor the conversation can avoid some of the traction an intimate conversation brings. A neutral person doesn't give a side an unnatural advantage or outnumber the other. Think of this person as a referee, someone to make sure everything goes smoothly. Encourage this person to give you his or her thoughts–it's always helpful to get a fresh perspective on a situation you're familiar with.

Listen to the other side's argument completely
Just because you're there to present your views doesn't mean you can't listen to what the other side has to say. Perhaps they have another approach you weren't aware of, or they see a flaw in your plan that you didn't see. Recognize their concern and points before listing yours so that first, it proves you're willing to listen and conduct this compromise in a civil manner and second, that you aren't there to attack or discredit their argument. Show them the courtesy and respect of acknowledging their argument and they should respond in kind.

Don't go in expecting to win
Unless you have specific data that proves that their solution will not work, do not walk in expecting to win. If you walk in to the meeting thinking you've already won, then why go? There is a difference between confidence and arrogance, and your opponent can tell which attitude you have.

If you do have this data, simply present it without malice–don't rub it in. Remember, you're not there to attack them. Give every opportunity to show that you can conduct the conversation in a civil manner, and future conversations will go smoothly.

Don't get defensive
It's important that you take the emotion out of the meeting in order to stay impartial. Just because your position isn't as attractive as the other option does not mean you lost. When presenting your position, honestly list out the pros and cons to your solution–think big picture. If you can't accept your way, flaws and all, your opposition won't either.

Set goals and a deadline for the meeting
The last thing anyone wants is to have something like this dragged out or delayed indefinitely. Set a timetable for this issue to be solved or "Plan B" goes into effect. It's reasonable to think that both parties would like to avoid Plan B, so as long as they are aware of when the negotiations stop taking place they can reach a solution before the deadline.

Hopefully your future compromises will go smoothly with these tips. Remember it's not your way or the highway–there's more than one path to a destination!

Do you have a good idea ?

Tue, 20 Sep 2011 06:05:50 -0600

Once and a while, a good idea comes along. You're sitting in traffic, shaving, staring out the window in a coffee shop, and BAM! an idea strikes you. It might be for your marketing plan, your book club, or a brand new business... suddenly it appears, shining in your mind.

Sometimes you think your idea is so ground breaking that your instinct is to keep it to yourself. "This could change my business, my life, the world!" "And it could. Provided you share it with others.

You see, there's a funny trend in revolutionary ideas: They generally don't become revolutionary until other people have improved them. Your good idea is probably one half or one third of a great idea. In order to reach its full potential, it must cross-pollinate with others.

Great business minds often say that their most successful businesses aren't the ones they set out to create. What happens? A good business idea gets into the market and the forces there challenge it, change it. Partners, clients, friends, family... they all contribute and inspire changes which take the idea to the next level.