How many times in your life have you met someone who knew what they were doing was destructive but couldn't admit that there actions were wrong, immoral or unethical ?

  How many times have you encountered a person who was doing the wrong thing but yet when you approached them they would justify their actions and blame it on other people or circumstances ?

  How many times have you met someone who knew that smoking, drinking, cheating or doing something was not good for them or the people around them ?

 This is called Denial - Are you in Denial ?

Self acceptance is being loving and happy with who you are NOW. Some call it self-esteem, others self-love, but whatever you call it, you'll know when your accepting yourself cause it feels great. Its an agreement with yourself to appreciate, validate, accept and support who you are at this very moment, even those parts you’d like to eventually change. This is important...even those parts you'd eventually like to change. Yes, you can accept (be okay with) those parts of yourself you want to change some day.

The Motivation Behind Your Lack of AcceptanceIf acceptance feels so good and is so good for us, then why don’t we accept ourselves? The answer is motivation. We use our lack of acceptance (punishment - cause it feels bad) as motivation to get us to do, not do, be, and not be what we think we should. Many  people believe that if they accepted themselves as they are, they wouldn’t change or that they wouldn’t work on becoming more of who they want to be. Typically, we judge ourselves unfavorably  with the hope it will motivate us to change. We hope if we feel bad enough about  ourselves, that maybe that will motivate us to change. Does this work?  Sometimes, but only short term. Most times all it does is cause us to feel bad  which saps the energy you might have used to make changes. It can be a vicious  cycle. It works exactly counter to what you wanted to do. 

“Acceptance allows change. The 'acceptance mode' includes everything, even my judgments. It allows me to be okay now, even before I reach my goals.”

“When you begin to accept yourself the way you are right now, you begin a new life with new possibilities that did not exist before because you were so caught  up in the struggle against reality that that was all you could do.”

So if it doesn’t work, why do we keep doing it? Because we hope it will work. And if you don’t know any other way to change, what options do you have? We’ve been trained to believe that in order to change, we need to first feel bad about  it. That if we’re accepting and loving of that particular quality, that we won’t  do anything to change the situation, which is not true! You don’t have to be  unhappy with yourself to know and actively change those things you’d like to change about yourself. Acceptance is actually the very first step in the process  of change. For more about this, see “an  interview about acceptance

Think of acceptance of yourself like being okay with where you live now. You may want a bigger house one day. You may dream about that new home. But there ARE advantages to living in a smaller home if you only took the time to think about it. It is possible to be happy with the home you're in now, while still dreaming and working to make your new home a reality.

 Process Of Acceptance
Acceptance exists at the core of your being. It is your default status. In order to reach this base level of acceptance, you need only remove the items laying on top. To do this, you must first identify all the things you do not accept about yourself. Then, one by one, eliminate them by examining and questioning your beliefs around that issue.

http://www.selfcreation.com/acceptance/index.htm 

Over the last 20 or so years I have met people who come from all different occupations and backgrounds. As I get to know these people better to find out what they do for a living I am always amazed at how important some of these people that I have met REALLY are important.

These people are company executives, presidents of corporations, founders of non-profit groups and people who " on the outside " look like they have it all together.

What I am more amazed about is the lack of existence with their own families. These executives are so married to their status that they have lost touch with their spouse or even more importantly the relationship that they are missing with their children.

About 10 years ago I heard a speaker from Bill Glass Ministries talk to our church. This ministries group takes volunteer men to prisons to minister to other men who are in jail. They told us that 95% of the men who are in prison have one thing in common and that is the lack of a Father figure when they were growing up.

So my question to you is this:  Which do you think is more important to your kids - the title that you have at your job or the amount of time that you spend with your kids ?

Bottom line is your kids don't care how important you are. All they care about is how important you make them feel.

Here’s your call to action: together we can end voicemail. Maybe that’s a bit ambitious, but at the very least collectively we can reduce it.

Despite advents in technology there is no getting around the fact that text is easily the most efficient content format there is. It’s scan-able, easily transferable, distribution scales and the processing of it can be archived or even automated. Even creating it is easier than other forms of content.

Which gets to the title of this post: why is voicemail still used?

My theory: it’s a habit of the older generation, so they keep using it. That’s the only thing keeping it alive. My generation uses because we have to (for context, I’m 28) but we don’t really enjoy the process. The generation younger than me is going to balk at it because they’ve always been networked and had phones with text messaging.

With this in mind, I think voicemail should be added to the list of living artifacts.

Voicemail is the worst kind of inbox because it’s terribly inefficient (similar to a regular mailbox) and there is no native way to implement an organization or filtering approach. The fact that we’ve created tools to transform voicemail to text says it all: text is the superior format for transmitting time-shifted messages.

Consider some scenarios:

The “need to chat with someone in real-time”

Scenario: you call someone and they don’t pickup. But you don’t want to leave them a message, you wanted to actually chat with them in real-time to say what you need to. This happens a lot. You could leave a voicemail where the message content simply asks the person to call you back, but that wastes both your time. For the caller: have you noticed how absurdly long the process is to get to through to a cell phone voicemail? For the recipient: it is obnoxious to receive a voicemail where the only message content is “please call me back.” No one finds that useful.

Solution: modern phones have a “missed call” feature for exactly this purpose. Seeing you have missed a call from a contact should be sufficient information for us to know to call someone back. As a society, can we come together and agree on that? If it is really important, at this juncture the respectful thing to do is text your contact saying please call me back ASAP. A text message is as far as you should go – texts are high priority (and efficient) ways to transmit a quick bit of information. It is never appropriate to leave a voicemail that just says “call me back” the correct answer here is a text.

The “can you please do these 3 things?”

Scenario: you call someone to review a list of 3 things you need them to do and ensure clarity on all of them. Except the person doesn’t pick up. At this point, you could leave a voicemail outlining the 3 things you need done, but there is no accountability here and you’re really trusting someone is going to listen to the whole message.

Solution: in this case if you’re assigning tasks, skip the phone call all together and assign the task within your project management system. Note in the task if there are questions or what you’re asking is unclear, please call or email you for clarification. This minimizes the need for phone discussions and keeps your team focused on execution vs. meeting. If you’re not using a project management system you probably should be, but even still email is a superior format to assign tasks than a voicemail.

Let me demonstrate:
Easy, right? You can scan all of that in a few seconds, quicker than I could say it to you on voicemail. It’s also faster for me to type it than to wait to reach your voicemail.

The “never responded to my email”

Scenario: you’re trying to reach a prospect or team member that never responded to your email. It’s important enough you’re calling them, but you get their voicemail so you decide to leave a message sharing in great detail what it is you need from them.

Solution: if it’s a prospect they probably received your email. If you follow up with a phone call and get their voicemail they are most likely ignoring you. Sure, they might be busy on both accounts but if you allowed sufficient time between communications and they never got back to you, wake up to reality: they’re ignoring you. The lead is cold, recycle back to marketing to nurture until deemed qualified to try again. If a team member, try re-forwarding your email and flagging with a higher priority. 99% of the time this works. If it doesn’t: this is likely a systemic issue, your processes are broken and you need a better system to manage your team.

The one time leaving voicemail might make sense is if you’re in a place you can’t quickly write an email or add a task to your project management system and you absolutely need to deliver time sensitive information to someone. Of course, this is not ideal because most people don’t place a priority on checking voicemail messages anyway due to the time-intensive nature of doing so. Instead you should work to equip your team for success ahead of time so you’re not put in a situation like the above.

Anyway – in these cases if you absolutely, positively need to deliver information to someone right now you should probably try people’s cell phones rather than leave a voicemail. If they know you’re in a situation you might need to deliver information in real-time, they’ll pick up.

I guess I’m struggling to find a use case for voicemail. It is easily my lowest priority, highest time cost inbox and really one I would rather just see go away. I’ve even thought about replacing my personal voicemail with a message such as “I am sorry but I no longer accept voicemail, please email or text me if you’d like a response” and then listing my email address.

What do you think? Voicemail: about as relevant as a fax machine?

All of us have chapters we wish we could rewrite. Dr Harold Bloomfield says, ‘Unresolved emotional pain wreaks havoc on your immune system, cardiac function, hormone levels, and other physical functions. We must make peace with our past because our life may literally depend on it.’ To get over your past you must, first, start looking at it differently. Reframe it. Ask, ‘How did it make me stronger? What do I know now that I didn’t know then?’ Don’t focus on what you lost, but on what you gained. Second, understand the difference between guilt and shame. Guilt is feeling bad about what you’ve done – it’s healthy; shame is feeling bad about who you are – it’s toxic and debilitating. All of us have things we’d like to change about ourselves, but when God created us He said, ‘… it was very good… ‘ (Genesis 1:31 NKJV), so start seeing yourself as He sees you. Third, stop punishing yourself with the ‘if only’s’. After stumbling badly and having God pick him up, David wrote, ‘Happy is the person whose sins are forgiven… whom the Lord does not consider guilty… ‘ (Psalm 32:1-2 NCV). Forgive yourself; God has. Because He sees you through the cross, you are ‘accepted’ (Ephesians 1:6 NKJV). Finally, move from pain to gain. Healing takes time, so expect some anger, fear and sadness. Don’t disown them; they’re part of the process. But don’t adopt them either; know when it’s time to move on. You can’t walk backwards into the future, and the future God has in mind contains more happiness than any past you can remember.

Your past can either be an albatross around your neck, or the wind beneath your wings. So, run on and accept what happened. If you don’t, you’ll keep reliving it. While working in the Congo as a missionary, Helen Roseveare was brutally raped. Writing about it she says, ‘I must ask myself, “Can I thank God for trusting me with this experience, even if He never tells me why?”‘ The secret of trust doesn’t lie in answers; it lies in acceptance. It’s knowing that in the midst of whatever has happened, is happening or will happen, God is in control. Either you fix your mind on that and determine to live again, or go through life feeling like you never got a fair shake. Then, you must bury the past or live with its ghosts. Rehashing old hurts is like watching the same movie over and over, hoping for a different ending. It’s not going to happen! Learn from it and move on. You don’t drown by falling into the water, you drown by staying there. Get out of the blame game. Blame is a waste of time. When you blame yourself you multiply guilt, chain yourself to the past, and increase your already low self-esteem. When you blame God you cut yourself off from His power, doubt replaces trust, and you put down roots of bitterness that make you cynical. When you blame others you add to the distance between them and you, and lose the only option that works – forgiveness. Instead, trust the One who promised to ‘make all things new’, and move forward.

My mission is to help people overcome their past and live for today - Robert J Russell, Speaker

Social media and the new way people interact with each other on the web has changed the way businesses market themselves - or at least it should have.Today people want to get to know you before they buy. They want to understand you, get to trust you and then they might want to do business with you.

Let's go back in time for a moment. It wasn't that long ago that your daily sales routine involved sitting by a telephone and cold calling a list of numbers.


Did that work?  No.

How often are you glad that your day's been interrupted by a cold caller? We all hate it so why do it?

I'd like to say those days are long gone but sadly there are a few companies out there that haven't realised that that's not the way it works anymore.

Why use resources so inefficiently?

All those people you have on the phone could be used in other ways - such as interaction through social media and enhancing your customer service.

What are the chances of one of those people on your list sitting at home (or in the office) thinking "I wish someone would call and offer me life insurance because I really need it and have no friends to ask for a recommendation of where they got their policy from"?

Probably zero.

And should you strike it lucky and get a bite from one of your calls, is that one customer really worth alientating yourself from the other 1999 you called that week?

I think not.

Today's marketing is about building relationships and having conversations - and that's what makes social media such a powerful marketing tool.

You may be shaking your head right now and saying "but how can I measure ROI?"

The truth is you can't, but that's not what it's about. It's not about a return on your investment, it's about a return on the relationships you build.

Using platforms such as Facebook or Twitter will show people you are a company who cares about its reputation and its customers. More and more people are using Twitter to vent their anger when something goes wrong. If you're a company that monitors it, picks up a problem and deals with it straight away you're going to be seen as a caring company.

But if you're not part of the conversation and their vent goes unanswered, it will probably lead to more dissenting voices until they become so loud you'll be seen as a company that couldn't give two hoots about your customers.

Forget the old sales methods - they don't work anymore. Embrace social media, have conversations and listen to what your customers are saying.

Be open, be approachable and above all stop the cold calling - no one likes it.

Did you know that the way you speak makes a big difference on your sales calls?  For example, are you a self described slow talker or do you like a fire rapid pace of conversation?

I bring this up because I never used to pay attention to the way I spoke during a sales call. After all, as long as I prepared for the call, and my product was a good match, nothing else mattered, right?

Well, not really. Low and behold, the way you dialog with your customer goes a long way in building trust and rapport. Fortunately for me, a few years back I learned a great way to establish rapport in a conversation right away.

It all started when I attended a sales training by veteran sales psychologist. Boy, what a difference his teachings have made in my sales calls. This trainer taught us that on a subconscious level “people like people that are like themselves”.

One of the examples he gave was to match your style of conversation to that of your prospect. Let me give you an example. I am a self-described fast talker. I like to get to the point when I speak and I also like to enunciate my words. I naturally and instantly liked people who talked just like me, fast and to the point.

Conversely, my wife is a slow talker. In fact, it really gets on her nerves when she gets stuck talking to a fast talker – like me.

Knowing your own style of speaking is the easy part. The hard part is paying attention and capturing your prospect’s style of speaking.

For example, here are some common speaking styles I’ve heard since learning this:

Informal speaking style

Formal and very business-like

Fast paced

Slow paced

Soft speaker

Loud speaker

So next time you’re on the phone, pay attention. Listen to the style and pace of conversation your prospect naturally uses when speaking. Then, see if you can adapt a little to their style.

For example, let’s say you naturally speak loud and fast, and your prospect is speaking low and slow. If you catch this early on, you could adjust your own conversational style to match their style of speaking.

By doing so, you will have learned a little known secret about how to build instant trust and rapport with a prospect, right from the get-go. On a subconscious level, your prospect will like you and trust you, though they may not be able to pinpoint exactly why.

It took me a while to remember to do this in my own conversations, but with practice, it now comes naturally.

Not everyone is just like we are. My belief is that if you take the time to understand your prospect on more than one level, you will shorten the time it takes to win them as customers. 

I recently sat across from a man who appeared very successful. After listening to him tell me what he has accomplished in his life, this man gave me the feeling that he had lived a very successful life.

He was recently unemployed from a company that he has been with for a long time. I asked him a very simple question; " If you won the lottery of $50 Billion dollars, money is now something that you don't think about. You can buy just about anything you want without thinking about the price. You can eat at any restaurant and not look at the right side of the menu. You can go on vacation to anywhere in the world. You do whatever you want - basically you will be able to do what you want with your life." 

As I continued to set the stage up for this, I asked him...." If money wasn't a factor - what would you do ?"

His answer was completely different than what I expected - he told me " I would speak all over the world about How to get your passion back. " He later went on to tell me " I even wrote a book about it "

I asked him a very simple question - " If that is what wakes you up before the alarm clock goes off, why aren't you doing it ?"

He told me " I lost my passion. "

My question to you is this - What is holding you back from doing what you really want to do ? If you are passionate about something, why aren't you doing it ?

Have you ever looked at your child after he/she says something and say " Where did he get that from ? " Well, the truth is that he/she probably got that characteristic from you.

Most children will inherit the personality of their parents and mimic that personality by the age of 4 - so if you see your child acting a certain way, just remember that they are mimicing what they saw you do (or someone who they are around alot).

Another way to understand your child is also to know what his/her personality is. Some children are Type A - they are natural leaders. Some are detail oriented and this child will have to have things in a certain order and a definate system.

If you want peace and harmony in your home - learn your childrens personality and look at yourself to see where their habits are being formed.

Effective management is not about just being in charge. Effective managers will develop a relationship with their employees and get to know them personally.

When was the last time your manager asked you " How are your kids doing in school ? " Does your manager even know their names ? How much more effective could you be as a manager if you knew each of your employees family members names; wife, children etc ?

Go a little beyone the norm, find out more about your employees - you will be surprised how much more respect you will gain from your employees.

* This is just one of the topics that I speak to groups and organizations about. To find out more how to have Robert J Russell come speak to your organization, call direct 972-679-9029.